There's no Ramen in Space
by WaffleDogOfficial
Summary: In which the Guardians of the Galaxy accidentally kidnap a recently-graduated Naruto.


**Written for Day 2 of Naruto Sci-fi Week. The prompt I chose was "First Contact."**

**O-O-O-O-O**

Upon finishing his kata, Naruto exhaled heavily in exhaustion. He collapsed on the ground with a sigh, looking up at the sky.

Earlier in the day, Naruto had met his new jounin sensei, Kakashi. Kakashi had told them to prepare for their true and final exam and Naruto planned to do just that.

After parting ways, he had gone to one of his favorite places: a tiny training area at the edge of the village. Hidden from view by the tall trees, no one had ever bothered him there. It was the perfect place to train alone.

While he rested and stared up at the sky, he saw something metallic flash through. He sat up with a startle and strained his ears. Focusing, he could hear a soft whooshing sound from a distance away. He swallowed as he jumped up, pulling out a kunai from the pouch on his leg as he did so. _What the hell was that?_

Keeping his grip on the kunai tight, he jumped up and grabbed onto one of the lowest branches of a tree. With the momentum, he landed on the canopy. As silently as he could, he leaped toward the source of the noise.

Within minutes, he arrived at a small clearing. A large metallic building he had never seen before stood at the center, making a soft whirring noise. Smoke and hot air emanated from it. Naruto covered his eyes with his forearm as the building blew dirt away.

Seconds later, the wind died down and the forest grew quiet once more. He looked closely at the building, which reminded him of some strange metallic bird. He spent a lot of time in the forests of Konoha, but he had never seen anything similar. _Should I get Iruka-sensei or the old man?_

Before he could get anyone, the bottom part of the building opened with a beeping noise. A ramp came down to form stairs. A few seconds later, two pairs of feet wearing dark leather boots climbed down.

Naruto almost fell off the tree when he saw the people. While one looked like a normal man with brown hair and a beard, the woman next to him was different. Her skin was a dark shade of green. Even from the distance, Naruto could see something metallic implanted in her face. _What is she?_

Naruto jumped down and used the undergrowth to follow them. Neither the man nor the green woman noticed him. They walked side by side while looking at a small device in their hand and talking. Naruto moved as close as he dared until he could make out their words.

To his disappointment, they spoke a different language and he could understand nothing. However, he could tell that they were arguing about whatever was on the small device. The woman kept rolling her eyes while the man only looked more exasperated. He pointed to something in the forest while the woman pointed the opposite direction.

When it seemed that they had reached an impasse, a large ostrich appeared in front of them from the bushes. The ostrich looked angry and Naruto expected it to immediately attack the man and woman. To his surprise, however, it bowed its head and began speaking to them in the same language from earlier. _This day is getting weirder and weirder._

He looked back at the metallic building and swallowed._ I can sneak inside and look around while they're busy talking to the bird. The old man would want to know about this._

Before he could reconsider, Naruto crept behind them towards the large metallic building. He climbed the stairs and entered.

With a sigh of relief at not being spotted, he looked around the entrance. Almost everything seemed to be made of metal. The door and the steps of the stairs were worn down and a thin layer of oil kept the hinges from rusting away. Naruto looked around some more but saw no life. Relieved, he walked further inside to arrive in a small room.

Unlike the entrance, the room was almost cozy, with a variety of sofas and chairs to sit on and relax. Random objects were strewn haphazardly throughout the room and on shelves. At the center of the room was a large coffee table. On top of it, there was a collection of knives that looked as if they had been recently polished. Naruto gulped at the sight. They were bigger than most knives he had seen and much sharper.

He looked around, browsing through the shelves for some clue on their motivation. Apart from the knives, he saw only random decorations and toys. Not for the first time, he wondered what the man and the strange green woman needed with a dumb ostrich.

As Naruto surveyed a collection of disks, arguing jolted him from his investigation. Panicked, Naruto looked around the room in despair. With no other options, he jumped behind the largest sofa and threw a blanket over himself to aid in his disguise. A few seconds later, the man and the woman returned, talking to the ostrich as if it were human.

Naruto's heart was beating a mile a minute and he put a hand over his mouth to suppress the sound of his breathing. After looking at those knives, there was no way he was getting found. _I need to get out of here and get Iruka-sensei!_

His heart thumped in his chest in dread as he expected for them to enter the room. However, they walked the opposite direction, still arguing with one another. Naruto sighed, relieved.

Tentatively, he peeked over the sofa to look around the empty room. Taking his chance, he ran back to the entrance, intending to escape and run to the Hokage's office. His heart sank when he saw that the stairs had been pulled back and the entrance was closed. Panicked, he pushed on the ramp, but it refused to budge.

He was ready to try punching it open when a sudden lurch under his feet caused him to unbalance and fall to the floor. He yelped in surprise, but quickly covered his mouth to reduce the noise. _I can't get caught! I have to get the old man!_

Naruto leaped up and swiveled his head around to search for an escape, but saw no way to get out. Trying to keep himself calm, he returned to the empty lounge room. _There's a window there! I bet I can break out!_

Relieved at finding a solution, he returned to the room. However, instead of the trees of Konoha, he saw only a floating orb surrounded by darkness and stars. His heart skipped a beat at the sight. It was beautiful, yet terrifying. _What the hell is going on? What happened to Konoha?!_

Naruto wasn't sure how long he knelt on the ground staring through the window in awe and fear. Eventually, a gentle nudge on his knee started him out of his shock. He jumped up and swiveled around to look at whatever had touched him. He blinked when he saw a tiny tree staring up at him with wide black eyes.

They stared at each other, stupefied.

"I am Groot," the tiny tree finally said, smiling up at him.

"W-what? I-? Groot?" Naruto stuttered. A talking tree definitely took the cake for weirdness.

Naruto stared at the tree in bewilderment until he heard the footsteps of someone new. He flinched and looked for a place to hide but it was pointless. It was too late and a large muscular man emerged, talking to the little tree in some strange language.

Naruto blinked up at the man. The man blinked down at Naruto. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to react.

"I am Groot!" the talking tree broke the silence, pushing on Naruto's knee with a smile.

At the interruption, the man blinked again and said something to the tree. He then yelled something from behind his shoulder. Immediately, Naruto heard footsteps running toward them. He flinched and pushed himself back to lean on the wall. The little tree stared up at him, looking hurt at being pushed away.

Within seconds, four new creatures entered the room. Naruto couldn't suppress a scream of fear when he saw them. At the center was the man from before, waving some sort of weapon he had never seen before. Next to him was the green-skinned woman, holding a sword expertly between her fingers.

Behind them was what appeared to be a combination of an insect and a human. While she had the body of a woman and silky black hair, her eyes were completely black. Two antennae sprouted from her forehead. Next to them was a creature that looked like a tanuki. However, it was wearing clothes and carrying a weapon that looked like the one the man had. It was also standing on two legs like a human and chatting brusquely with everyone.

Naruto screamed again and tried to crawl back to get farther away from them, but there was no place to avoid them.

He looked up at his captors in panic. They were talking in a strange language. The green woman, the bearded man, and the tanuki creature argued with one another, pointing fingers. To his relief, they lowered their weapons, hiding them away in their belts. In comparison, the large muscular man and the insect lady were calm. They stared curiously down at Naruto and muttered to each other.

Naruto wanted to speak and plead with them, but the words froze in his throat. He wished he had never seen the metallic flash and had gone to eat ramen instead.

"I am Groot," the tiny tree said. Everyone turned to look at it as all conversation stopped. Naruto swallowed nervously. _Why is the tree the only one I can understand?_

The green woman muttered something. With a roll of his eyes, the tanuki-like creature reached for something in his pocket and handed it to the man. With a quip he couldn't understand, the man knelt down in front of Naruto. Naruto flinched at the approach, but the man grabbed onto his arm to keep him still. Naruto tried to struggle, but he was still in shock from everything that had happened so far. Expertly, the man inserted something into his ear.

Instinctively, Naruto tried to pull it out, but it was already embedded inside. He cried out in surprise.

"Get it out! Get it out!" he screamed.

"Sorry, brat, but you need it if you wanna communicate with us," the tanuki creature said.

Naruto froze. Slowly, he turned his eyes to look up at his captors with new eyes. "I can understand you now?"

"That's right, kid," the man said, standing up to glare down at him. "Now, I want you to tell us why and how you are on our ship."

"Ship?" Naruto tilted his head to the side as he moved his legs to sit in a cross-legged position. "This is a ship?"

He heard a groan from the tanuki creature. "Of course, this is a ship! A spaceship to be exact! You're in space now, dumbass!"

"Space?!" Naruto looked out the window again with wide-open eyes. _What the hell is space?_

"What are we going to do with the kid?" the green woman asked with a frown. "It's illegal to talk to citizens of uncontacted planets."

"We might have gone past talking to kidnapping," the bearded man commented. "If Xandar learns a kid from an uncontacted planet snuck aboard our ship, they'd hunt us down, planet-saving or not. It's, like, at the top of the list of illegal things."

"I know," the green woman replied testily. "We can't exactly just drop him off, though." She turned her gaze to the insect woman. "Mantis, is there a way for you to erase his memories?"

The woman, Mantis, bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't think so. I can only influence his emotions for a moment. Erasing his memory is unlikely."

"Well, can you try?" the man asked.

Mantis nodded uncertainly and knelt down in front of Naruto. Unlike the man, who had grabbed impatiently onto him, her eyes were gentle as she looked at Naruto. Naruto swallowed. He never saw anyone look at him like that.

"Don't worry," she said. "Everything will be alright."

"How do you know?" Naruto asked with a frown. The look of concern in her eyes made his stomach twist in knots.

"I don't," she answered. "But I'm not going to hurt you. Can you hold out your hands?"

Naruto blinked in surprise. He looked around at the others. To his relief, he couldn't sense any malice. The large muscular man reached down to pull the tree up to his shoulder. The green woman crossed her eyes with impatience, but he couldn't see any hate in her eyes. The tanuki-like creature and the man looked impatient but not hateful. _They really don't want to hurt me._

Hesitantly, Naruto nodded and Mantis took his hands in hers. Immediately, emotion rushed into him. Mantis yelped and let go of his hands. She looked up at her companions with tears in her eyes.

"Mantis! What happened?" the muscular man asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Pain..." she answered softly. "This boy is in a lot of pain and anguish. I haven't felt his level of loneliness before."

Everyone turned to look at Naruto again, this time with a hint of pity. Naruto scowled at them. "What are you looking at?"

The green woman's eyes softened and she knelt down next to Mantis. "It's okay, kid. Just let Mantis try again."

Mantis nodded and reached her hands out again for Naruto to take. Mantis closed her eyes to concentrate, not crying out this time.

"There's a lot of pain here," she muttered. "And... I feel something else... an angry presence full of hate."

Naruto's heart skipped a beat. _The Kyuubi. She can sense the Kyuubi?!_

"There's a lot of hate," Mantis continued. "But under all that... all I feel is... sadness and loss. The creature misses something. It wants to be free more than anything... and it mourns..."

Silence befell the room as the others turned their gazes between Naruto and Mantis. Mantis kept holding onto Naruto's hands, tears falling silently down her cheeks. She said nothing else and she let go of Naruto's hands with only a sigh.

"I don't think there is a way to erase the memories," she said, breaking the silence.

The tanuki creature and the bearded man groaned. The green woman and the muscular man sighed. The tree only hugged the man's shoulder.

"What are we gonna do now?" the green woman asked with a frown.

"Just drop him back on his planet," the tanuki creature answered. "Even if he talks, who's gonna believe him?"

The man sighed. "Well, I guess that's our only option."

"We can always drop him off on Xandar," the muscular man commented. "They'd probably take him in."

"But then we'll get in trouble when they find out he's from an uncontacted planet!"

An argument broke out as everyone chimed in with their own opinions about what to do with Naruto. Naruto listened half-heartedly to them. The day had already been strange and very long. He wondered if he was in a dream, but everything was too surreal for his brain to invent._ I guess this is my life now._

He watched them argue until the tree climbed down from the muscular man's shoulder. Naruto blinked at the tree as it walked closer.

"I am Groot," it said with a smile.

Naruto blinked. "I am Naruto," he answered.

"I am Groot," it repeated.

Naruto frowned. "Yeah, I got that. My name's Naruto Uzumaki. I already know your name!"

"I am Groot!" Groot placed its tiny arms on top of his knee.

Naruto grit his teeth impatiently. "I know you're Groot!" he shouted. "I can hear you! What do you want?"

"I am Groot!" Groot smiled widely at him and climbed on top of his leg.

Naruto slapped a hand on his face. The frustration was burning off the shock and fear. He glared at the tree, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The bearded man snorted in amusement at Naruto's reaction. "Yeah, kid, I feel that," he said. "But he can only say 'I' and 'am' and 'Groot' in that order. Good luck trying to get him to say anything else. You figure out what he means after a while though."

Naruto frowned up at the man. "What is he saying?" he asked.

"He wants to know if you want something to eat," the green woman translated.

Naruto's eyes lit up in excitement. "Yeah! Do you have ramen?"

"Ramen?" she asked.

"It's only the best food in the world!" Naruto gushed. "Delicious noodles in a hot broth with tons of toppings! I like the chashu pork the best, ya know!"

"There's no ramen in space, kid," the tanuki creature answered. "We have rice and beans or beans and rice. Take your pick."

"No ramen?!" Naruto asked, scandalized.

The man frowned. "I would worry less about ramen, kid, and more about returning home. If we take you back to your planet, do you promise not to tell anyone about us?"

Naruto blinked up at the man. _Tell no one? I guess... no one would ever believe me anyway._

"You say you travel a lot?" Naruto deflected.

"Yes," the man answered. "We are the Guardians of the Galaxy. We protect the world from evil! We save people! We're heroes!"

"We also steal, fight, and assassinate people," the muscular man added nonchalantly. The bearded man glared at him.

"So you do, like, missions?" Naruto asked. The Guardians nodded in answer.

Naruto smiled for the first time since he arrived on the ship. "That's so cool! I'm gonna go on missions too, ya know! As soon as I beat my stupid sensei, at least!"

"You? Missions?" the tanuki creature snorted while crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You're just a little kid."

Naruto grit his teeth in anger and stood up to glare down at the creature. "Of course I can! I'm pretty good at throwing kunai and shuriken! And even Iruka-sensei says my stamina is really good! Also, I know how to make shadow clones now, ya know!"

"Shadow clones?" the muscular man asked curiously.

Naruto nodded and grinned. "Yeah! Watch this!"

Making the now familiar sign, he called upon his chakra. With a puff of smoke, two clones appeared at his sides, giving him identical smiles.

"Cool, right?" he asked as he put his hands behind his head.

The Guardians stared open-mouthed at the clones. Naruto couldn't help but blush at the attention. "Also, watch this!"

Calling more chakra to him, he formed the familiar seal to make a henge. A second later, he had turned himself into the tanuki creature, two others at his side. With a puff of smoke, the clones disappeared, leaving Naruto standing alone with a grin on his face.

"What do you think about that?" he asked.

The guardians gaped at him. Naruto blushed, glad to see attention on him.

"Kid..." the bearded man broke out of his reverie to kneel in front of him. "How did you do that?!" he asked.

Naruto shrugged. "I used chakra."

"Chakra?" the green woman repeated. "What's that?"

Naruto shrugged. "Energy or something like that. Anyway, I can go on missions! I know how to throw shuriken and kunai! Iruka-sensei says my aim is getting better!"

"How long have you been learning this, kid?" the green woman asked.

"Since I was eight or so," Naruto answered. "I graduated yesterday. I'm gonna be a Hokage one day, ya know!"

The Guardians exchanged indecipherable glances before looking at Naruto again.

"You said your name was Naruto, right?" the green woman asked.

Naruto nodded. "Naruto Uzumaki."

"My name is Gamora," she said. "It's nice to meet you."

She extended a hand. Naruto took it hesitantly. Her hands were warmer than they looked. "Nice to meet you, too... Gamora."

She smiled kindly at him.

"Peter," the man added. "Peter Quill. You may call me Star-Lord"

"No one calls him that," the muscular man said. "Call him Peter. My name's Drax."

"My name is Mantis. It's very nice to meet you."

"I'm Rocket."

"I am Groot."

Naruto turned his gaze at each of them in turn to memorize their names. "Gamora, Peter, Drax, Mantis, Rocket, Groot... It's nice to meet you!" He grinned up at them. Everyone smiled back, although only Groot, Drax, and Mantis appeared completely honest.

"Well, these introductions are nice and all," Peter interrupted. "But I guess it's time to take you back to your planet. You better not tell anyone about us, or we'll go back and eat you!"

"Wait, what? Eat me?" Naruto asked with mild panic. "Also, you're taking me back?"

"Of course! We already have one baby to take care of, we don't need another!" Rocket answered as he walked away, presumably to the navigation room.

"No! I'm not a baby!" Naruto shouted and froze as everyone turned to look at him. He blushed at their attention. "I mean... is it possible for me to go with you?"

"Why? Don't you want to go back home? To your parents or whatever?" Peter asked.

Naruto flinched and shook his head. "I don't have parents," he answered. "I don't have a home. I live alone."

At the confession, everyone quieted, sharing pitying glances. Naruto looked down at his feet. "Please," he begged. "There's not really anything there. And everyone hates me."

With a pang, he thought about Iruka-sensei and Teuchi-san. They had been kind to him, but if he were to disappear, they probably wouldn't mourn. If he could travel with the Guardians, he could go on missions and save people.

Peter sighed with exasperation and Naruto chanced a glance up at the man. He was running a hand through his hair and shaking his head, muttering to himself.

"God, why is everything always so complicated?" he complained to himself before glaring at Naruto. Naruto tried not to shiver under his gaze.

"Are you willing to follow our instructions?" Gamora asked as Peter looked at him.

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! I can help a lot! And when I get more training, I can come back to my planet and become the Hokage!"

Rocket sighed. "I think the kid can stay," he said. "His cloning and shapeshifting thing could be useful. At the very least, he can babysit Groot when we're out on missions."

"Yes," Drax added. "There's a lot we can do with this kid."

"All right, let's vote on it," Peter announced. "Anyone for the kid staying with us, at least for a while, raise your hands!" To Naruto's delight, everyone, including Groot, raised their hands. "All opposed?" No one said anything.

Peter sighed before walking closer and placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Well, kid, I guess you can stay, at least for now. You better behave, though, or we'll eat you! Welcome to the Guardians of the Galaxy!"

Despite the threat, Naruto didn't believe it. He nodded enthusiastically. Unable to contain his excitement, he leaped forward to hug Peter around the waist. The man tensed slightly at the sudden contact but didn't push him away, placing a hand on the top of his head instead.

"Yeah! Thanks! Where are we gonna go now?"

"We're going to drop Mr. Condor off in his home planet," Gamora answered. "He is currently resting in one of the pods. He says everyone treated him like a pet the entire time he was stranded on your planet."

"Okay!" Naruto answered cheerfully, having no idea what she was talking about.

"Anyway, I'll give you the grand tour of the _Benatar_," she continued. "Follow me."

Naruto let go of Peter and followed enthusiastically behind her, Groot at his heels.

**O-O-O-O-O**

**I love the Guardians so much. They are both assholes and nice people. Naruto is similar in that regard, hahaha.**

**Thank you very much Exdysis for helping me beta through this story.**


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